


i'll spit my poison and i’ll hurt all of my friends

by starlike (orphan_account)



Series: you're something to remember [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012, Angst, M/M, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7142516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/starlike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Y’know, sometimes, I think about leaving.” He stays quiet for another long moment but Dan can’t tell whether he’s just thinking or leaving room for a response, and it’s not like he knows what the hell to say to that anyways, so he says nothing, waits. “I’ll find myself looking at apartment listings and crunching numbers, but then, you-” he cuts himself off with a harsh laugh, no humor in the sound. “You stop, for a minute. You’ll stop yelling, being angry and so damn defensive, and it’s almost like it used to be. And then I know that I can’t go anywhere, because I’d be giving up on that, on the idea that we’re ever gonna be able to fix this.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll spit my poison and i’ll hurt all of my friends

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while back and didn't really have any plans to do anything w/ it, but i was going through my google docs and i thought "eh, why not polish it up & publish it, whatevs."
> 
> set sometime before the Thing in the other 2 works, but this easily stands alone, they're just in the same 'verse. 
> 
> title is from I, Mona's "Sleeping In." the song doesn't have much relevance but i thought i'd keep w/ the lyrics-as-title theme.

Phil has only been gone for an hour when Dan’s phone rings.

 

He does _not_ want to pick it up, because he had said that he’d be going to some party with PJ and a few of his other uni friends, and parties = alcohol = a drunk Phil that he’d rather not deal with. When he’s had a bit too much to drink and they’re not in the same room it’s like he’s not afraid to actually speak his mind, and Dan can never hear what he really has to say without nearly breaking down.

 

But it rings three times, four, and he’s overcome with worry that something could be wrong, so he _has_ to answer.

 

“Hey.”

 

On the other end, Phil’s just breathing, and he goes long enough without saying anything that Dan thinks he might’ve just called him on accident when his voice rings through the silence.

 

“Y’know, sometimes, I think about leaving.” He stays quiet for another long moment but Dan can’t tell whether he’s just thinking or leaving room for a response, and it’s not like he knows what the hell to say to that anyways, so he says nothing, waits. “I’ll find myself looking at apartment listings and crunching numbers, but then, you-” he cuts himself off with a harsh laugh, no humor in the sound. “You stop, for a minute. You’ll stop yelling, being angry and so _damn_ defensive, and it’s almost like it used to be. And then I know that I can’t go anywhere, because I’d be giving up on that, on the idea that we’re ever gonna be able to fix this.”

 

“Phil..,” he trails off, eyes already stinging.

 

“Why do you do that? Why do you have to push me away, only to pull me back in the second I actually take a step in the opposite direction? Why won’t you just _let me go?_ ” Phil nearly growls the last bit, and Dan hardly catches the sob that tries to escape his throat.

 

“I- I don’t-”

 

“Of course you don’t know,” he sighs, all the fight gone out of his voice, and now he just sounds _so tired._ “You never do. Can you at least tell me one thing?”

 

“Anything,” he whispers, hoping that the poor audio quality of the call drowns out the desperation in his voice.

 

“Do you even want me to stay?”

 

Dan pauses, breath caught in his throat, a few tears spilling over onto his cheeks and he wants to _scream_ , because he can’t say ‘yes’ when that’s just reinforcing what Phil said about pulling him back in, and he can’t say ‘no’ because, as selfish as it is, he doesn’t know who he is without him, and the thought is terrifying. This is his constant state of being, lately; torn between getting Phil away from his toxic bullshit, and keeping him as close as possible because he can’t stand to lose him.

 

He shrugs pathetically, even though he knows that no one can see it, and feels absolutely helpless when he says, “I don’t _know_.”

 

Phil sighs again, but it doesn’t sound disappointed, like he’d expected Dan’s answer. “I’m gonna sleep at Peej’s. Don’t wait up.”

 

The dial tone is the only thing that hears him cry.

  
  



End file.
